


Because I Love you

by Evilbunnygirl93



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 07:45:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8481352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evilbunnygirl93/pseuds/Evilbunnygirl93
Summary: I remember turning around to put a plate away and I saw you hugging that bear.





	

            You know those mornings when you just don’t want to get out of bed because you’re too comfortable? Yeah, well I’m having one of those mornings. I’m so comfy and cozy, especially since you’re beside me. I smile as I open my eyes to see you’re newly dyed blonde hair sprawled everywhere and covering you face. I move  to kiss your forehead, but you tighten your grip around me and nuzzle your head before taking a deep breath. I look over to find that brown teddy bear sitting on the nightstand. I’m so happy I got that for you, even though it was meant to be a joke.

            It was last Christmas and I wanted to mess with everybody by buying them something that would make us all laugh. I got Ruki that little punching bag and he threatened me, but we all laughed at him in the end. I got Uruha those two pink bows, which strangely he clipped in his hair. For Kai, I got him a thing of condoms, which made him blush so bad. Then you. I got you that brown, fuzzy teddy bear with the purple ribbon tied around its neck. I remember when you threw it at me at me crossed your arms as everyone laughed, but when I looked at you, you seemed so upset. I apologized and gave you all your real gifts, then suddenly, everyone had to leave. You stayed to help me clean up and I was grateful for that. The last few dishes, I told you to go home and get some sleep. You just shook your head and walked out of the kitchen. I remember turning around to put a plate away and I saw you hugging that bear. Your face was full of sadness. I turned before you looked back, then we said our goodbyes and you left.

            I had noticed it long before the others did, before that Christmas even came, but it seemed that you got worse. You were winding down more, you had were giving fake smiles, and leaving rehearsal early. I’d ask what was wrong and you’d smile then tell me that it was nothing, but I saw through your façade. I got everyone to come over for a little get together, I made sure to give you just enough beers that you couldn’t drive home. I told you that you could sleep with me that night, but you were nervous, you wanted to go home. I couldn’t let you, it was too dangerous for me to let you drive and I had too many beers to drive you. I finally convinced you to stay. If only I knew why you wanted to go home, I wouldn’t have made you stay. That night, you had a nightmare, a terrible one. You were flipping out and you punched me in the face. It took a while for you to realize that you were safe, but when you finally did, you fell onto your knees and cried. You wouldn’t let me touch you, so I just sat beside you and listened as you cried all night. You ended up passing out a little after the sun came up, so I laid you back into bed and told Kai that you weren’t feeling good. Practice was cancelled and I didn’t feel bad because in truth, you had a small fever. I sat beside you on the bed until you woke up in the late afternoon. You wanted to leave, but I forced you to stay. I made you tell me all the things you needed from your apartment and I would get them for you.

            When I had got there, I went straight to your bedroom and gathered a few days clothes. I remember you saying that there was something on your bed that you needed to help you sleep and you said I would know what it is when I see it. At first I was confused and annoyed that you didn’t tell me, but when I saw that teddy bear laying on there, I understood. You didn’t want to be embarrassed about it, you didn’t want me to laugh or think of you weirdly. I could never do that. I can only smile as I pick it up. As I was finishing packing your stuff, I heard your house phone ring, but I didn’t answer it. Unfortunately, I did hear the voicemail your mother left. She sounded so harsh, she called you such horrible names, and wished you were dead. What kind of mother is that? You told us that your family got along great with you. I wished that you would tell me the truth.

I went home to find that you were still laying in bed, looking out the window, which surprised me. I figured you would have turned the tv on or something. I sat on the edge of the bed, catching your attention, and I pulled the bear out. I handed it to you, and I smiled at how you hugged it then laid down and curled into a ball. But my smile disappeared when I saw how much darkness was in your eyes. You flinched when I touched your shoulder, but I kept my hand there. I begged for you to tell me what was wrong, but you closed your eyes and tried to hide your head under the blanket. Before I laid down that night, you did say one thing to me.

_“Tell anybody about this, and I’ll kill you.”_

But I knew you couldn’t, I’ve seen the real you. The soft, fragile you.

            I got you to stay with me the next few days, I didn’t want you to go home to that awful voicemail your mother left you. Here and at I practice, I started noticing something. I would turn to find you staring at me and you would look away with a blush on your face. It made me wonder and as I wondered, I caught myself describing you in a sensual way. I started longing for you, for your company in my bed, for your warmth. I was cooking us supper while you took a shower. I remember when I got done, I wondered what was taking you so long. I walked back to find the bathroom empty, then I went to my room and saw you hugging that teddy bear as you sat in the corner of the room. I kneeled beside you, rubbed your shoulders  and asked what was wrong. Your answer hurt me so much.

_“Nobody loves me.”_

I grabbed you head and pulled you into a kiss. You whimpered, not knowing what to do, but I lead the way. I met your tongue and swirled it around. I waited for your to do the same, then I licked the roof of your mouth and waited for you to mimic me. Soon we were kissing each other for real and I wrapped my arms around you. I pulled away from the kiss and looked you straight in the eyes.

_“I love you.”_

That made you gasp, but I pecked your lips and started kissing down your neck. I remember your nervous whimpers and moans. We ended up on the bed, shirtless, rubbing each other’s bodies as we kissed harder. I remember your scared eyes when I was between your legs, massaging them, telling you to relax and to breath. I remember your cry when I pushed inside you, I remember your moans as I thrusted in you, I remember your begs when I teased you . I remember you kissing me and snuggling against me before you drifted off asleep. That was the first time I really held you. I kissed your forehead, then looked at the light, wishing I had turned it off before we did this, but I didn’t mind it. My eyes venture to the lonely teddy bear in the corner of the room.

            From then on, you began staying more at my place. When we go to bed, you would hold the bear as you snuggled against me, but you allowed me to hold you. That made me happy. As the days went on, I noticed you smiling a real smile again and you started talking a lot more. The other’s were glad you went back to normal, but they don’t know anything. I still saw the darkness in your eyes, I saw the sadness in some of your smiles, and you still had those nightmares, which you refused to tell me about. You hardly woke me, but when I wake up at night and find you holding that teddy bear, crying. I kind of knew what was wrong.

            After a few months, you agreed to move in with me and we announced our relationship to the others. You took huge steps, but the one step you needed to take, you seemed to be too scared to. I wanted you tell me what was wrong with you. What had happened?

_“I just can’t”_

Was your answer every time. I got so pissed one night. I slapped you across the face and made you fall to the floor. I felt so horrible, I tried to apologize, but you were crying to loud to hear me. I tried to touch you, but you pushed me away. I had messed up. We ended up right back at the beginning. The next day, I did everything I could to say sorry. I remember that I cooked for you, I bought some movies you’ve been wanting, I massaged your shoulders, I did everything.

_“I never wanted to be hurt again, but it always seems that when I love someone, they hurt me.”_

Is what you said. You didn’t cry, no it wasn’t you who cried this time, it was me. I was so scared of losing you, I cried and begged you not to leave me. I think that was the first time you every saw me that way. You told me that you wasn’t going to leave as long as I promised to never hurt you again. I agreed. After that, it seemed that it got a little better. We got closer and closer.

            I remember one night, you wrapped one of your arms around my back. It shocked me, but it made me happy. That was a huge step for you, whether you know it or not, it was.  Maybe it was just me, but after that, it seemed as if your nightmares were going away. Each night I got braver and braver to ask what they were about and what had bothered you so much. Each time though, the fear of you getting upset struck me and I quickly backed away from my plan. Then it came, out of the blue, not from me, but from you. You had kept you head down and played with your food a little.

_“Those nightmares. I think…I think it’s time I talked about them.”_

I was so relieved when you said that, but I was shocked to hear what you had to say.

_“My father died when I was young. Mother blamed me because I distracted him when he was driving. She said that I should have died in the accident, not him. She started beating me, cursing me, and abusing me any way she could. I found my sanctuary with playing the bass. It calmed my nerves. When I became famous, my mom said she loved me. When I refused to give her money, she’d find my number, no matter how times I changed it and would call me, just to insult me. I started having dreams of the accident and of the abuse. They got worse and changed into worse things that could have happened. Then I have dreams her hurting my friends.”_

Your story explained a lot, I remember jumping out of my chair and pulling you into a hug. I kissed you all over as you cried, but you would kiss me back. That was your biggest and final step. After that, you sat that teddy bear on the nightstand on your side and laid down. You scooted to me and hugged me. I understood. Even though you seemed better, you were still afraid. That’s perfectly fine. Just hug me, I’ll hug you back and protect you, love you. I still needed to know one more thing, though.

_“Why do you need that bear?”_

_“I could love it without being hurt by it.”_

            I opened my eyes to see that teddy bear sitting on the nightstand, then I lower my gaze to the blonde creature in my arms. I move again and you tighten your hug again, but this time I see your eyes opening. You look up at me and smiled. I smiled back before planting a kiss on your forehead.

“Do you want some breakfast?” I asked.

You give that innocent smile and shake your head yes. I kiss your forehead again before climbing out of bed and walking to the kitchen. I gather the stuff I needed, eggs, milk, pancake mix, and sausage. I started the sausage first, mixed the pancake batter and poured some rounds onto the pan. It takes a little while, but soon I’m finishing up the scrambled eggs and placing them on the plates with the other two items. I sat the two plates on the table, fixed two glasses of orange juice and started walking back to our room. I opened the door to see you holding that fuzzy, brown teddy bear with the purple ribbon around its neck. You were smiling at it, rubbing it with your thumb and then you kissed it. I giggled, catching your attention. Your face turns blood red as you set it back on the nightstand, which makes me giggle more. I watch as you walk to me and smile.

“If you ever tell anybody, I’ll kill you.”

I shook my head, but I knew you couldn’t. I’ve seen the real you. The soft fragile you.

“Why are you smiling?” You asked. I just rubbed you cheek and pulled you into a kiss. You kissed back and hugged me as I hugged you. I broke away and rubbed my head against yours before I looked you straight in the eyes.

“Because I love you, Akira.”

You look down as your face turns red, but you look back up with those soft peaceful eyes. “I love you too.”

I take one long look into those eyes of yours. The darkness was gone, I can see the happiness glistening in your eyes again. I let you go and watched as you walked to the kitchen, but I turn to look at the teddy bear. I’m glad it helped you, but I’m so happy that I’m the one that saved you.

“Yuu, are you eating or what?” You shout.

I smile. “Yes dear!” I can only imagine your blood red face right now.


End file.
